Police Ride-along

In preparation for Governance Day for Leadership Spokane, our class had the opportunity to do police ride-alongs. I was paired with an officer who was one year older than me and who coincidentally had gone to the same high school as me. His grand-mother-in-law was a resident where I worked.

The night started off pretty slow. After going through orientation of how to light flares, where to find the first aid kit and how to use the police radio and call for backup, the shift officially began.

We responded first to a man who had called 911. He had passed a few men walking by him on the street and he believed that they were going to kill him. His name was Donny. He told us that he had just gotten out of Sacred Heart Medical Center and had been seen for chest pain. He also told us that he was homeless. He expressed that he had been down on his luck and had some depression issues. The officer told him that we would drive around and see if we could see any small group of guys walking around. Donny seemed ok with that and we left.

Later we responded to a Domestic Violence call. A man had called to report that his girlfriend was hitting him. As it turned out, the man had been beating her. She had fresh bruises all over her body. She didn't want him to go to jail because she knew that when he got out, she would feel the wrath again. She had just left a women's shelter and didn't want to go back. Me, being in plain clothes, standing with her as she pleaded to me not to have her "man" taken away gave me every reason to tell her to "get out of this relationship! You deserve so much better than this." However, I'd been asked to be a 'fly on the wall' and to not engage in conversation with the parties involved with the call. She told us that her granddaughter had just died and that she was very upset by that. The "man" was taken to jail by another officer. We waited for another officer to come and take photos of the woman in case she decided to file charges against him.

The next call we responded to was some minors being noisy down by the Maple Street Bridge. As we approached the group, one young man attempted to throw out his beer but didn't after being advised not to by the officers. After the IDs were checked and cleared, the teens were asked to be quiet, stop drinking and get out of that area. They seemed thankful that the officers were so easy on them.

The last call was from Donny again. He had called 911 and said that he was going to commit suicide. He had two bottles of pills and some fingernail clippers with him. We responded with another officer. He had only ventured about three blocks from the last time that we'd seen him. The medications and clippers were removed from his person. The officers gave him a choice, he could go to a homeless shelter or they could take him to the hospital so that he could talk to a social worker. He opted to go to the hospital. So, we all stood outside waiting for the ambulance to come and transport him. The man didn't seem to be intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. He just seemed to be down on his luck as he had said before. He believed that there were people who were going to hurt him in the homeless shelter. That's why he didn't want to go. He seemed overly conscious that there was a woman present and seemed embarassed when an officer found a condom in Donny's pocket.

I asked the officer, why we couldn't have taken Donny to the hospital. He said, if the Domestic Violence victim had asked us to take her to the women's shelter, we could have done that. But not a suicidal man. So, the taxpayers paid for the two officers to babysit him until the amulance arrived. AMR came with two men to take Donny to the hospital. And who knows how many times this man has been in and out of the hospital.

My life will forever be changed by what I witnessed that evening.

Masks-Not the ones we wear in October!

We wear many masks. Myself, I can't count them all. My paritioner, daughter, aunt, girlfriend, manager, volunteer, mentor, sister, ex-wife, friend, confident, advisor, employee, companion and princess roles somewhat intertwine with one another.

The question is how do we get to this point? And what do we do when we have dual masks to wear? I find myself behaving one way to suit a certain crowd and behaving another way to "fit in" elsewhere. What masks do you wear? And what triggers you to wear them?

I think masks are a socially acceptable and passive way of blending into the group that we are in at the moment. As I type this, I wonder why do I want to "blend in." Was it something in my cultural progrmaming that made me think that I was "supposed" to do that? Why don't I stand up and say what I have to say? Why am I not ok to interrupt someone who coonstantly interrupts me so that I, too, can be heard? Why does respect for someone else trump resepect for myself?

My guess is that I was taught to be polite, kind, empathetic, and nurturing. And that my opinion only mattered if someone was curious enough to ask about it. That makes sense, right? Haven't you had that person in your life who could go on and on about something completely unimportant to you? Did you sit and listen and wonder when it would end? Or would you wait for the other person to ask you about what is importatant to you? Or was it a monologue?

When someone asks how you're doing, do you reply, "fine?" What is fine? It's another mask we wear to avoid answering a question that people feel obligated to ask. Help me with this. If you ask me how I'm dong, and my reply is "fine," help me elaborate on that. For example, what was the best part of your day? What was the most difficult part of your day? What are you looking forward to this week? etc. I'm trying to get out of the habit of saying "fine." Mostly because I'm not "fine." I'm blessed and I'm thankful. But I've gotta long way to go to being content.

In an effort to not lose this post (as I have already done once) I'm going to stop here. Further reflection necessary to post additional content. I'd love your feedback on the topic, in the meantime!

Curiosity

Today's discussion revolves around etiquette and curiosity.

A resident is annoyed with another resident because when they are at a gathering together, one of them seems to monopolize the conversation. I asked the complaining resident why that bothered him so much. His reply was that he wanted to learn more about the other guests at the function too.

He asked for my advice. My most original piece was "invite those you'd like to know more about to your house. " As I think about it more, maybe he could be curious about why she feels she needs to carry the conversation. Maybe a little more understanding on both of their parts could be beneficial. I also suggested that he pose a group question that would allow each attendee to participate in the conversation.
I haven't decided if I can be as open as I'd like to be about it. He mentioned etiquette and how people just don't know how to carry conversations anymore. Maybe this resident (she) feels that it is her responsibility. How would he know that unless he asked. How would she know she comes across as monopolizing a conversation unless someone said something to her?

Giving up

Today I heard my boyfriend say "oh man, they just gave up." (referring to drivers trying to get around the city on snowing conditions)

I admit. I give up. An ok day at work resulted in me not being able to drive out of the unplowed community center parking lot. I spent over 30 minutes trying to get my car and Kathleen's car back into the parking spot. Kent picked us up and took Kathleen home. After we went shopping at Trader Joes and Fred Meyer we dropped a bag that had 2 dozen eggs in it. Then I found mice droppings under my sink. I give up. It's too much for me. I am exhausted emotionally and physically. What can you do for me right now? Just tell me that my good friends' grandma just passed away. That will put things into perspective.

I expect too much?!

Do I really? I expect to have the same amount of energy to take down Christmas decor, clean, and make a lasagna for dinner tomorrow night as I did when I was working 3 part-time jobs. The decor is almost all down. Now I just have to find a place for all if it. My dad let me borrow a lot of his and then I had some of my own. It was hard to take down the ornaments off the tree. I have such fond memories of who gave me the ornaments and why. Tears drenched my eyes as I sniffled to avoid bursting out. Now I just want to curl up and die in the basement. At least I would avoid falling down the stairs this time.

Kent helped me make lasagna and he put my bench together for me. I bought pizza for dinner, got gas and groceries. Put groceries away and cleaned up from dinner and making lasagna. I'm pooped already. The bins need to be brought downstairs and lots of cleaning should be done.

I'm guessing I will leave the meeting early tomorrow to come home and clean without Kent here. I'm not comfortable having him just sitting there while I work.

Mortality

One thing that I deal with on a regular basis working where I do, is death. I see people at their best. Many residents move in as independent residents I see them as their needs change. There is nothing comforting about this. Even though Rockwood maintains a significant role in the wellness of the residents, life happens. Residents fall, they get sick, they forget.

Today I learned that a residents' best friend passed away in December. The woman had been to the Community Center several times. She wasn't a resident, but might as well have been. We had grown quite fond of her. She was dealing with her 2nd (at least) bout of cancer. The resident was talking to me about the conversation between the doctor and her friend. The doctor knew that additional chemo would only lead to more hospital and ER visits and would not ultimatley cure or rid her of the cancer that had spread throughout her body. The patient however believed that the chemo was prolonging her life. This raises the ultimate question. At what point, do you give up? Do you pull the plug? Do you say, goodbye to the pain and hello to a new life?

Funny E-mail

Happy New Year back at ya, Monica. I have two other things to tell you: 1. This is a holiday, and you shouldn't be working. 2. Your car is in need of a bath. Yore buddy,